Somehow, we’ve been conditioned to believe that January 1st is the perfect time to start that new diet, join a gym, or quit bad habits. And while choosing to create healthy lifestyle habits is great, I have to ask, why now? It’s just January.
The arrival of a new year often sparks conversations about resolutions, goals, and fresh starts. For some, this time of year can be inspiring, creating excitement and motivation. While for others, this time of year can be triggering or overwhelming as the message of “New Year, New Me” can carry a more harmful implication, suggesting that who you are right now isn’t good enough.
What If You’re Already Enough?
Before making a list of what to change, consider this: What if there’s nothing “wrong” with you? What if the person you are today, with all your strengths, quirks, and imperfections, is already entirely worthy of love and acceptance?
Let’s be honest, everyone is a work in progress, and everyone has things that they wish they could change about themselves, but growth does not have to come from a place of self-criticism. Yes, the new year may provide us with an opportunity to set goals for personal growth, but these goals can also be set at any point and time throughout the year. Just because the date on the calendar changes, does not mean that your self-worth changes with it. So before making your list of resolutions about all of the things you dislike about yourself, try reflecting on your strengths, accomplishments, and all things that make you who you unique. Change does not have to be about fixing yourself. Change can be about appreciating who you are now, surviving the day-to-day obstacles and treating yourself with kindness and grace, because you are enough!
The Pressure of New Year’s Resolutions
While New Year’s resolutions can be a spark of motivation, they often come with individual and societal pressures. According to a 2023 Forbes survey, 62% of adults in the U.S. feel pressured to set resolutions (Davis, 2023). The most common goals included:
- Improved fitness (48%)
- Improved finances (38%)
- Improved mental health (36%)
- Weight loss (34%)
- Better diet (32%)
While these goals may also be on the top of our lists, the all-or nothing mentality that often comes with New year’s resolutions can lead to feelings of failure and stress. This is because major, sudden lifestyle shifts can trigger a rise in cortisol, the body’s primary stress hormone. Elevated cortisol levels may leave you feeling overwhelmed, trapped, or emotionally drained, making goals harder to sustain (Baksh, 2021). Instead of pressuring yourself to make big lifestyle changes, try staring small. Setting realistic, obtainable, and actionable goals on a day-to-day basis can be a healthier and more effective approach to help you build momentum without the feeling of being stressed or overwhelmed.
Why We Feel the Need to Set Goals and New Year’s Resolutions
The desire to set goals stem from a combination of psychological and societal factors. Goals give us purpose, create meaning, and provide a sense of direction and intention. They reflect our innate drive for personal growth, offering opportunities to evolve, improve, and achieve. The process of accomplishing goals also activates the brain’s reward system, fostering feelings of motivation and fulfillment (Bell & Kozlowski, 2002).
Goals help us organize our time, structure our priorities, and focus on what matters most. However, not all of the goals we create come from within and align with our personal values or beliefs. External influences, like societal expectations or pressures to meet certain standards, can sometimes lead us to set goals that may not truly align with our values and beliefs (Deci & Ryan, 2000).
Self-Determination Theory (SDT) offers insight into why we set goals and what makes them meaningful. According to SDT, humans are motivated by three psychological needs:
- Autonomy – The need to feel in control of our actions, setting goals aligned with our values and desires.
- Competence – The desire to feel effective and capable, mastering skills and overcoming challenges.
- Relatedness – The need to connect and belong, fostering meaningful relationships.
SDT highlights the distinction between intrinsic and extrinsic motivations. Intrinsic goals are pursued “for their own sake.” They stem from inherent interests, enjoyment, and the satisfaction of doing something meaningful. Examples include learning a skill for personal growth or prioritizing mental well-being. In contrast, extrinsic goals are driven by external rewards or pressures, such as seeking approval, avoiding guilt, or achieving social recognition. While these can drive short-term behavior, they are less likely to lead to lasting satisfaction (Ryan & Deci, 2020).
The key takeaway from SDT is that intrinsic goals are far more likely to lead to lasting fulfillment. By focusing on what genuinely matters to us, what brings joy, purpose, and alignment with our values, we can set goals that motivate us and add to our lives in meaningful ways.
Why the “New Year, New Me” Mindset Can Be Harmful
As stated previously, the popular “New Year, New Me” saying often implies that who you are right now is not good enough. While growth and change can be inspiring this time of year, this mindset has the potential to create a harmful cycle of:
- Setting unrealistic or overly ambitious goals.
- Feeling discouraged or defeated when you are unable to meet those goals.
- Criticizing yourself for falling short.
This cycle can start chipping away at your self-esteem, increasing feelings of failure and the idea that you are not “enough.” Fixating on the “future you” can pull you away from the present. It can pull you away from acknowledging your current strengths and all of the hard work you already put into being the person you are today. Showing up for yourself and doing what you can on a daily basis is inspiring in and of itself.
Practicing Self-Compassion in the New Year
While setting goals can be a healthy and beneficial human thing to do, it is important to do so with self-compassion. Every goal you set does not have to be wildly ambitious or driven by being acknowledged for our achievement. Sometimes, the most meaningful goals can be the small goals that align with our personal values and well-being, rather than what we believe we should do for society.
As you reflect on the year ahead, consider these steps to foster self-compassion and embrace who you are:
- Celebrate Your Wins: Acknowledge achievements from the past year, big or small.
- Reflect Without Judgment: You grow through what you go through. Lean from experiences without labeling them as “failures.”
- Practice Gratitude: Appreciate your strengths and qualities.
- Set Intentions Instead of Goals: Focus on how you want to feel and what you want to prioritize, without attaching your worth to the outcome.
Making this shift in your perspective may allow you the space to experience growth from a place of self-love, rather than self-criticism.
Take Your Time!
January 1st is just another day. Change doesn’t have to happen all at once. Small, manageable steps throughout the year are just as valid as grand resolutions.
As you move into the new year, challenge yourself to embrace who you are while creating space for growth. Celebrate your present self, and remember: “Every flower blooms in its own time.” – Ken Petti
References
Baksh, J. (2021). New year’s resolutions may be harmful to your mental health… 5 things to do instead. Foundations Wellness Center, https://foundationswellness.net/mental-health/new-years-resolutions-harmful-to-your-mental-health-5-things-to-do-instead/
Bell, B. S., & Kozlowski, W. J. (2002). Goal orientation and ability: Interactive effects on self-efficacy, performance, and knowledge. Journal of applied psychology, 87(3), 497.
Davis, S. “New Year’s resolutions statistics 2024.” Forbes, 4 December 2023, https://www.forbes.com/health/mind/new-years-resolutions-statistics/. Accessed 7 December 2023.
Deci, E. L., & Ryan, R. M. (2000). The" what" and" why" of goal pursuits: Human needs and the self-determination of behavior. Psychological inquiry, 11(4), 227-268.
Ryan, R. M., & Deci, E. L. (2020). Intrinsic and extrinsic motivation from a self-determination theory perspective: Definitions, theory, practices, and future directions. Contemporary educational psychology, 61, 101860.