As a species, we are hardwired to assign meaning to each and every experience we have, whether we are aware of it or not. We are constantly taking in stimulus and assessing our surroundings. Everything from the small, mundane parts of our day that seem insignificant, to the big, standout moments- the highlights, or lowlights, of a given day, are being evaluated by our subconscious mind. Every aspect of our day is being uploaded into our brain, and it gets to work, sifting through what information it deems important, meaningful, or relevant.
Raise your hand if you have seen Inside Out, or Inside Out 2. *Spoilers ahead.
In the original movie, after a hard day's work, there is a scene where all of the emotions in headquarters are powering down to rest. There is a wall of the day's memories, all with different emotions assigned to them that get filed away. Some of the memories are yellow, representing a joyful experience, while some are red due to something evoking anger, blue for sadness. But the wall is FILLED with an array of colors- 1. Because emotions are fleeting and we can experience an array of emotions in a given day, 2. We can feel more than one feeling at a given moment, and 3. We assign meaning, or an emotion, to everything that happens to us.
Fast forward to Inside Out 2 **Spoilers- Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
All of these experiences, thoughts, feelings, shape our core beliefs. This is the little glowing tree that has blossomed in headquarters. In the beginning of the movie, we see Joy plucking out core memories that shape the belief that the main character, Riley, is a “good person.” This thought may have started from a feeling after doing a good deed, or someone directly saying she is a good person. The seed was planted and it became a working idea. Once a seed is planted, we look to our external experience to prove this theory (the seed was planted, now we need to water it). We survey our surroundings to deduce if we are, in fact, a good person. The more experiences we have that prove this concept, the more believable it becomes, and the more it shapes our worldview. If I believe I am a good person, I am going to continue to do things that confirm, or align, with the thought that I am a good person.
Now, insert Anxiety. ***Again, Spoilers. If you haven’t seen the movie, please go see it. It’s fabulous.
Anxiety, and some of their fellow complex emotions, arrive at HQ and slowly start to take the lead. When Anxiety oversees the command center they start to shift Riley’s worldview and core beliefs based on what they believe to be true. To Anxiety’s credit, they truly believe they are doing good. Their entire goal is to ensure that Riley is prepared for the things she can’t see. A meticulous planner constantly running cost-benefit analysis, and making decisions in an effort to support their theory; “If I’m good at hockey, I’ll have friends.” “If I make the high school team, I won’t be lonely.” Anxiety attempts to forecast possible outcomes of each and every scenario in efforts to be prepared so Riley can act accordingly. This is all driven by an effort to feel accepted (which is a vital piece of being a human being, especially a pre-teen). What starts to happen is that the more Riley tries to be accepted, she ends up going against her original core belief that she is a good person. She ignores her friends, pretends to not like things she truly loves, and starts to morph herself into what she THINKS she needs to be in order to belong, However, the more she tries, the more barriers. She can’t seem to get it right. Insert new core belief, “I’m not good enough.”
Once this core belief is developed, our minds will look outward to continue to prove that we are, in fact, not good enough. Every day, our minds gather evidence and make choices that strengthen what we already believe in. This is called confirmation bias.
Confirmation bias is a psychological term for the human tendency to only seek out information that supports one position or idea. This causes you to have a bias towards your original position because if you only seek out information that supports one idea, you will only find information that supports that idea.
Simply put, as human beings we have a tendency to seek out and prefer information that already supports our beliefs. If I believe “I am a good person,” throughout my day I will gather evidence that supports “I am a good person.” Every time we do something we deem “good” then we get a Good Place point (shout out to The Good Place- another good watch.) The more points, the stronger that belief. Rinse. Repeat. Your brain will naturally make every effort to have your external circumstances match your internal beliefs because it is safe and predictable.
This means that you are wired to stay consistent with who you think you are.
When you use labels like:
*I am lazy
*I am needy
*I am unlovable
*I am not good enough,
your brain will naturally find evidence for it, and it will use that same evidence to reinforce this reality. We cherry pick facts to support our existing beliefs. It feels like the truth, but it’s actually just your perceived reality. This is where your power lies. You can change your perceived reality. Transformation comes through reframing your internal beliefs while actively finding and creating external evidence to support them.
This is the basis of cognitive re-framing. We often use this intervention in therapy to help encourage clients to challenge negative core-beliefs. This is one way we can check if confirmation bias is at play. The goal isn’t to just “think happy thoughts,” or to lie to ourselves, but it is in our best interest to stay open-minded to the notion that our reality or perspective might be limiting.
A starting point can be to ensure that we are practicing gratitude and self-love (sounds cliche, right?) Well, some cliches have some merit to them. The automatic thoughts associated with our core beliefs are going to be persistent (especially the critical ones- the ones we have believed for a long time). A way to start neutralizing those thoughts is to be intentional with acknowledging positive attributes, accomplishments, and allowing grace. We try to balance the truths- “I feel like I can be lazy at times, AND there are times I am really productive.” “I am trying to be more disciplined AND I’m proud of myself for trying.” I often encourage clients to practice observing their thoughts. Take time to listen to the voice that lives inside your mind. Does it sound like your voice, or someone else’s? Is it kind? Is it critical? What are some of the automatic thoughts that occur after a tough day? In order to change the automatic thought, we first have to observe it, build understanding around it, and find ways to challenge it. This is all useful information that helps us make more intentional and informed decisions about ourselves, and our world.
Nothing will set you free quite like understanding how your brain shapes your reality.Your brain will create what you tell it. The little voice that lives inside your mind takes on the tone and worldview based on your core beliefs. What can be empowering about this is that it is YOUR voice and YOUR thoughts so YOU have the ability to change it. You are not lazy, you are not needy, you are not unlovable, and you ARE good enough!
Sources:
Segal, Davya. “What is Confirmation Bias?” WebMD.com, Medically Reviewed by Melinda Ratini, MS, DO. 15, September, 2023. https://www.webmd.com/balance/what-is-confirmation-bias